A Salute to the Confederate Flag – Starring Jefferson Davis & Donald Trump 2 comments2

The old Stars & Barf

The old Stars & Barf

In a deal with the devil only the Donald could pull off, Jefferson Davis was resurrected today to host the first Confederate Flag Tribute Extravaganza (and luxury condo open house.)

“History is important,” Davis’ statement read. “Our children should be taught with songs and pageantry about the wonderful adventure that cost 600,000 lives. The fact that it was always hopeless only makes it more glorious that so many died. But the South didn’t start the war, Lincoln forced us to fire upon Fort Sumter when he said, ‘Lynyrd Skynyrd sucks.’ ”

When told Lincoln is remembered as the greatest Republican president after Reagan, the Donald became offended that anyone would be placed above Reagan, “I heard Lincoln wasn’t born a Republican, and why are you bringing up facts? You some kind of Egghead? This isn’t about facts and thinking. It’s about how we feel about losing our heritage. Slavery wasn’t as bad as the liberals say it was. Barack Obama’s blacks get food stamps, low-income housing, and Obamacare. Our blacks got one square meal occasionally, a groovy shack, and they didn’t need all that fancy medicine. A crack of the whip and their lazy ailments went away. All Obama’s Blacks do is riot and complain. Our blacks were happy-go-lucky and never talked back. They loved living in Old Dixie almost as much as we did.”

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