News From The Bubble’s Edge
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Not since the War of 1812 has America been so humiliated. In a lightning attack yesterday, ISIS also known as ISIL or IHOP captured the Congressional Capitol building. Homeland Security staff, tired of having their livelihoods jerked around, put up little resistance. House Speaker John Boehner, however, led a heroic defense of freedom, supported by a rag-tag mob of elderly patriots in tri-corner hats. As the ISIS hordes swarmed, this bastion of democracy yelled, “Keep your government hands of our government!” then headed off to Cracker Barrel for the senior breakfast special.
All alone, Weepy McOrange fought to the last drop of blood, crying, “Curse them, Lord Reagan, cause they know what they’ve done. They’ve forced me to fund the government without reversing Obama’s illegal amnesty.”
After the battle, the ISIS Chiefs Sitting Goat and Crazy Camel released this statement: “We demand all illegals, those who cannot prove family residency prior to 1492, self-deport.”
Boehner’s ghost replied, “I’ve just returned from heaven and the jokes on you. The 79 virgins you were promised have beards and hairy underarms.”
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