Cruz Defends Newanderthal York from Cro-Magnon Immigrants


I stand before you, in drag, proud to be an American.

I stand before you, in drag, proud to be an American.

Aging Liberal Hack, Neanderthal Edition

Cro-Magnon, the brown-skinned menace, continued their illegal immigration into our homeland yesterday. Calling themselves the “Children of Adam,” these creatures are said to have freakishly large brains and calves the size of cantaloupes.

Ted Cruz, however, has come to our fair-skinned city to save the day! “Bullshitty!” Teddy shouted as he led his band of tea party “Rough Riders,” in a charge up Murray Hill.

Later, the Republican’s Savior sat down over a bowl of Junior’s mammoth stew, to talk about it with this reporter. “They claim that by the end of the ice age, they will replace us Neanderthals. But I say, global warming is a hoax, and the ice age will never end!”

“These homeless Homos,” Ted continued, using a derogatory term for the Homo Sapiens Cro-Magnon, “are behind the recent crime wave. Caves all over the West Side have been discovered defaced by graffiti, their so called, ‘Cave Paintings’.”

When reminded that immigrants built NY, Ted replied, “When my ancestors came here, during the Homo Erectus migration out of Africa, we weren’t looking for welfare or to steal jobs. We were content to work the land we “acquired” from the Injuns. So, to hell with Darwin! The Homos say they want to assimilate, but they are really looking to replace us, with their pathogens and “advanced technology.”

One Rough Rider, who refrained from identifying himself for fear his paranoid delusions would become general knowledge said, “If only Clinton hadn’t lied about Benghazi, we’d have fewer illegals. Then, perhaps, there wouldn’t be so many of them.”

Aging Liberal Hack will keep you up to date as this story evolves.

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