Failed Musician tries to Wed Moonshiner Maiden 1 comment1


Appalachian Lox and Grits

Appalachian Lox and Grits

“Anarchist without a power structure,” Joaquin Cotler was scheduled to marry Lindsay Dula, the face that cracked a thousand whips, before the republican establishment stepped in to halt it. “We can’t let these two marry,” Donald Trump announced. “Appalachia would never forgive us if we let that Jewish Nazi socialist run off with our red queen. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Jewish people, and Nazis too, by the way, and I’ll win the Jewish vote. And the Nazi vote too, by the way. But Joaquin? What kind of Jew names their child that? We have to stop this fiend, whose singing, by the way, sounds like a Barry Manilow with a cold, and whose politics, by the way, are to the left of Colonel Bernie Sanders, whose chicken, by the way, I love, from corrupting Lindsay’s innocence with his obscene mixture of sex, drugs and dated southern rock.”

Rush Limbaugh outlined his solution, “If we can get the prenups settled, we should let them marry because only a conservative with a gun can stop a liberal from calling her Hun. Then, the inevitable divorce should go smoothly, with Lindsay getting the dogs and that antichrist wannabe getting the drugs.”

“This union,” Rick Santorum frothed, “of an east coast liberal to a mountain beauty, was exactly what I feared when I issued my ‘Woman on Dog’ warning. Just look at his hair.”

 

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One thought on “Failed Musician tries to Wed Moonshiner Maiden

  • Garganemotionless!

    What kind of sick mind thinks this way? The ‘bind” that ties I say! Not sure if that location is a red state area however. He’s not playing a Banjo but the washboard is passport enough to steal the heart of country royalty, and keeps clothes clean too!