“I’m not questioning Washington’s patriotism,” Rudolf Giuliani announced this weekend. “I just wonder if he loves our country. He’s a socialist anti-colonialist. He doesn’t pay homage to the aristocracy, I mean the job creators, and their God given right to keep their property in perpetuity. All that “we the people” stuff is a dead give away – he’d take Pennsylvania away from the Penn family!”
Giuliani’s outburst followed President Washington’s decision this week to use the continental army to crush the anti-tax Whiskey Rebellion. This has brought fierce condemnation from other prominent conservative intellectuals. “Liberals are fascist Nazi communists!” Rush Limbaugh blubbered. “How could you hurt the American whiskey Job creators or try to impose order? Order is anarchy.” Rush only calmed down after being told there would be no oxycontin tax increase.
“I think Washington is a fairy,” Sarah Palin insisted on giving her two cents as she sowed fourteen stars onto the first continental flag. “Have you seen those white tights he wares? I hear he’s also got a powdered wig and wooden teeth. Benedict Arnold’s the real patriot. He understands the problem isn’t the British social order and the noble families owning all the land. He knows that if you cut the taxes on these job creators, they will offer limitless tenant farming jobs for all Washington’s unwashed masses.”
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