Fat Man’s Almanac – All the news we want you should know
Shocked by rumors that Oprah Winfrey would lead FEMA troops in devouring Texas – actually eating the lone star state, the Republican party of Texas resurrected Hermann Goering, the fattest man ever to defend white power. Deutschland Uber Alles is now Douchebag Goober Malice.
“Oprah is a formidable eater,” Hermann told this reporter. “She’s mastered the art of circular breathing while continuously ingesting. But when it comes to sheer consumption, I’m the Zen master. I’ve dispatched several east European countries and I wasn’t even hungry.”
“Goering understands,” Rush Limbaugh told his audience. “That job creators need to cull the labor force to improve it. The entrepreneurs have the burden of deciding who works and who doesn’t. But rest assured, even if a job creator screws up, they will be rewarded.”
“In America, we forgive minor infractions. Who ever heard of the police accosting someone for a misdemeanor? All we ask is that the minorities do their jobs and stay away from the voting booth. But these agitators want to raise the minimum wage, which means the job creators will have to pay the laborers more. Why should capital allocators have to share profits with labor? Laborers don’t create jobs. They just do them.”
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