Ignoring the consensus of medicine men throughout the west, Apache Chief Geronimo decided today to reject an offer of free vaccinations against the dreaded small pox disease. Instead, he will go with Kentucky Senator Rand Paul’s generous offer of second-hand hospital blankets.
“We have so many used blankets being thrown away every day in our hospital small pox wards,” the diminutive libertarian told this reporter as he prepared a blanket gift basket. “It seems a shame not to give them to the savages. Conservatism isn’t only about maintaining the status quo for those advantaged by it. It’s also about helping the disadvantaged by shifting the tax burden on to them, thus freeing them to become rich also.”
“That’s what makes us Responsible Libertarians,” Sweet Papa Ron Paul added. “It’s like being a Compassionate Conservative. Pair something with its opposite and, Voila! You can claim the best of both. You can claim to be a strict libertarian, with all the freedom-y catch-phrases and none of the real world implications of our Social Darwinist fantasies.”
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