Last Temptation of GWB

           The Last Temptation of George W Bush is a science fiction story that uses humor as a vehicle for social commentary, yet rigorously adheres to principles of believability. It follows Archeologist Abe Everseek, who wants to be remembered for the “find of the millennium” a 21st century, human library. Until the dig reveals an unspeakable truth . . . the religious text that has shaped his culture, The Last Temptation of George W. Bush, is fiction.

Highly educated, Abe belongs to the ruling class of rodents who have evolved to dominate Earth in the remote future. Abe’s discovery causes him to question the spiritual concepts he’s followed his entire life. Worse, the ensuing conflict between his Homeland Empire and the heretical truth of their “human” Messiah, forces Abe to flee for his life. Pursued across the continent by Homeland Security skinheads and their blood-sniffing snakes, when Abe pauses to rest, he reflects on those he’s left behind. Especially his youngest buck who loved listening to the fable of the first two rodents, “Martha and George Washington in the Garden of Barbara Eden.” Sadly, as Bush the Redeemer, the beloved “Dubya” to his devotees, had once sailed the arc of the covenant across the Red Sea, Abe sets out across a foreboding ocean toward contact with a culture known only by legend. He wonders if they will accept the truth revealed in the “find of the millennium.”

As he pilots unknown waters, Abe struggles to navigate the internal conflict between his science and faith, and between his previous position in society and his own conscience. For Abe’s thoughts are being manipulated by races from the future, who recognize him as a turning point in the evolution of his species. But he will not cooperate, as he is forced to the realization that truth is not always consistent and, that the empirical and the self-evident can be in harmonious contradiction.

 

The origin of the story came from my pondering who from our era might be remembered in the distant future, and how the details of their life could be contorted. I decided that Adolf Hitler was the most impactful figure of our era and the most likely to be recalled. So, I wrote a story about Hitler being remembered as a messiah until someone discovered a 21st century library that showed he was a monster.

I decided to place the story way into the future, and be about a new species. Thinking about humans evolving from tree shrew like creatures over 60 million years, I picked rats and the same timeframe. The biggest challenge was language. How could a different species translate a human book? Humans can’t translate our own ancient languages without the Rosetta stone! I had to come up with my own Rosetta stone and a way for the rodents to use it.

Having worked out the logistics, I wrote a fairly good story with some very funny Hitler jokes. However, Adolf is so toxic, that I found myself being disturbed by all the glowing references to him as a messiah. He also began to overshadow the story about Abe’s struggle with his own crises of faith. So, I tried Michael Jackson, but his estate flatly deigned my use of his name. I needed to find a figure in public domain. Someone, who everyone could despise, but in a non-threatening way. I tried Richard Nixon, but realized Bebe Rebozo jokes would not be funny anymore. So, the Redeemer, George W Bush was born!

 

Please check out some of the images commissioned for this book (and others) from DP (Danny Perino).

Professor Able Goodtuber Everseek. From the story, The Last Temptation of George W. Bush

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Chief research archaeologist and defender of the faith of the Mountain Cleft Holy Museum Of Natural History and Home Of The Sacred Texts.

Chief research archaeologist and defender of the faith of the Mountain Cleft Holy Museum Of Natural History and Home Of The Sacred Texts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Abe’s discovery that the fossilized Humans were an intelligent species was met with shock and derision by the archeological world.

Abe vs. the Waterbeast. From the story, The Last Temptation of George W. Bush

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A demon driven by the power of the evil sun, the water beast threatened Abe with desiccation when Abe was lost at sea.

A demon driven by the power of the evil sun, the water beast threatened Abe with desiccation when Abe was lost at sea.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Abe’s willpower prevailed over the fiend’s lies but not so all Abe’s companions. One of them lost her life to the sun’s merciless intensity.

Overjoy Sunburst Foxfashion. From the story, The Last Temptation of George W. Bush

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The lovely assistant to Professor Everseek.

The lovely assistant to Professor Everseek

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joy was crowned queen of the Chips Empire.

A map of the known world, penned by Overjoy Foxfashion. From the story, The Last Temptation of George W. Bush.

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Created for Prince Prince before their wedding, this is the only know map of ancient Homeland and Southland.

Created for Prince Prince before their wedding, this is the only know map of ancient Homeland and Southland.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Amazingly accurate for an amateur cartographer, Joy extracted an oath from Prince never to reveal its details. Joy destroyed it shortly after showing it to Prince, and we only know of it through observations by the Trans-temporal Subconscious Adjuster.

The Last Temptation of George W Bush – Alternate Ending

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Last chapter name: The Hive

What Abe would never know, could never know, was the true future. A destiny that held great glory for himself and the new society he fathered. And eventually great decadence. For Abe had not changed the nature of people, and in the centuries to come, the religion he founded would become an instrument of oppression. Discounting his teachings of acceptance and peace, this religion would be the cause for which brutal wars were to be fought.

The northern burdochs would be discovered and absorbed, their murdochs exploited and enslaved. Homeland would next be dominated. Although their redeemer himself had a tail, the desert burdochs would never accept Homelanders as equals. In time, most would come to believe the redeemer’s tail to be an insidious myth created by the dark-furs. When occasionally a pup of the royal family was born with a tail, she was considered deformed.

The prohibition against fire-eating machines would be used as an excuse to master and exploit Westland as it had once been used in Homeland to subjugate and oppress the Northern Pocket.

This culture of desert burdochs was inevitably to come to a violent end before their science approached that of the angels. The prohibition against fire-eating machines would stunt its development, and The Key would never be revealed. The sacred trust failed amidst the ensuing chaos, and The Key was lost.

Over the millennia to come, great rodent civilizations would rise and fall. The cult of Hillary would be forgotten, just another ancient religion to be discarded by an enlightened people.

Eventually, rodents would begin to develop fire-eating machines and go down the same path as the angels, the course that leads from utilizing to exhausting the earth’s resources. And as with the angels, after the inevitable collapse, there would not be enough resources to try again. Each species got only one shot. The rodents would waste theirs, just as the angels did. It would be millions of years before the planet would be replenished, and nature does not grant any organism geologic time.

 

A purple fog rose from the cracks of a tired earth and evaporated into its nonexistent atmosphere. The planet’s venerable mother, an elderly star named Sol was huge red ball encompassing much of earth’s firmament. After their red giant sun mercifully set, the arachnids gathered in the more temperate darkness.

The moonless sky, having been thrown from orbit long ago, made telling how many had swarmed difficult, as the multitude gathered in a tangle of legs, wings, and torsos. All were drawn to the Hive for the adults to initiate their larva into the race’s unimind. Communicating in unison, they were more a chorus than a conversation, but one without voices. Instead they danced one atop the other waggling, their data into synchronization.

As always, the Empathic faction expressed themselves first. “The primitives have done well for us and for our species, though not for theirs. The rodents’ potential descendants – The Rectifiers – nearly influenced the one named Dweeble with the prophecy dreams they sent. Almost to the point of manifesting themselves. However, he was unstable, and the adjustments they sent drove him mad – with our help.”

“For this iteration,” the Elder faction added.

Other sires now imbued the ritual, the Hyper-rational faction now wiggling, “If the Rectifiers had succeeded, the book History would have been suppressed long enough for the rodents to accept the sacred library as scripture. Then when History was mused, the cult of Dubya would be overthrown and oil-based technology exploited. But they didn’t, and our prophecy dreams held sway. So we exist and they do not.”

“At least within the current dimension,” the Elder faction noted.

“Our ancestors,” the Neophyte faction danced in, “not theirs will now have used The Key. The knowledge of the angels was preserved by a species that would never come to know it. To be found over a billion years after it was lost again. Our people, not theirs, will have built upon it. Our ancestors will now have sufficient advantage and a technology advanced enough to adapt to the depletion of their resources.”

“For this permutation,” the Elder faction reminded all.

“The past determines a future that can change the past,” the Larva twitched.

“Potential realities manifest themselves through will,” the Guider faction related. “Our manipulation of a human’s dream convinced him to preserve The Life and The Key, without which we would not exist. We then convinced a rodent to believe the prophecies, save the library, and unite it with The Key.”

“Inside this cycle,” the Elder faction specified.

“The Rectifiers,” the Hyper-rational faction repeated, “almost succeeded in manifesting by influencing one of their ancestor’s dreams and convincing him to save the sacred library. But, the dreams we sent Abe persuaded him to hide The Key where only our ancestors would find it.”

“Contingent to this reality,” the Elder faction reiterated.

“So we now exist, and the Rectifies do not,” the larva shook on cue.

All now vibrated together, “The loop of time has fluctuations all along its edges. Events past and future occur in tandem, not randomly, but as driven by the Will To Exist. Our determination, our Will reigns supreme, for our folding of time has collapsed its countless dimensions into a single reality.”

“At least for this manifestation,” the Elder faction summarized.

All were now assembled for the trip. Earth had been depleted for the last time. In the final spasm of her fiery death, the exhausted sun would vaporize and consume this little rock. The mother, who for so long had nurtured life on this oasis, was to take her child with her into extinction. But one species would escape and travel to a new home; the first step in the Great Journey of Life.

Of all the intelligent creatures earth produced, they alone, the very last, had the tools to escape: a technology a single species could never have enough time to develop. Climbing onto the backs of others, they could now see far enough to view a future of limitless resources.

Countless terrestrial planets beckoned, inhabited and uninhabited. Their past was now secure, at least in this, the only surviving dimension of the multiverse left in this cycle.

 

“But, Mouse, you are not alone,

In proving foresight may be vain:

The best laid schemes of mice and men

Go often askew.”

– Robert Burns

Stormfury with her little brother Hail. From the story, The Guardians

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Stormfury with her little brother Hail, from the story The Guardians

Stormfury with her little brother Hail, from the story The Guardians

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The only survivors of a Plunderite raid; Storm and Hail fell in love during their journey to the salvation of the monastery. Forbidden to consummate their affair, they nonetheless became married a few thousand years later as different people: Tempest and Hardrain. A few million years and countless memory wipes later they would marry again as androids Gail and Hail.

Sasha and her devoted Kouros. From the story, Hellion Quest

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Sasha and her devoted Kouros, from the story Hellion Quest

Sasha and her devoted Kouros, from the story Hellion Quest

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The infamous “Child of Hate,” Sasha was a conjoined twin with Basha. The two were separated at birth with Sasha giving up her left cheek to preserve Basha’s left breast. She was later selected by the Red Ogre Mage but was replaced by Basha over the objections of her parents. After growing up and killing her parents, Sasha went on a quest that allowed her to kill indiscriminately with impunity.

This work is still in development.