Hypocrisy Level Violates Precious Egghead Math Law
Impossibly, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell was a hypocrite over 100% of the time this week, leading to theories from Schrodinger’s Revenge to outright sorcery. This is not the first time the Senator has confounded the eggheads, or “scientific experts,” as democrats refer to them. Right after the November elections, McConnell traveled back in time to convince business leaders to start hiring in anticipation of a republican senate takeover.
“As far as I can surmise,” Oxford Egghead Stephen Hawking told this reporter, “Sometime around Tuesday, the Senator used a Demagogic 3000 to fold time. It’s a liberal scapegoating device that allowed him to channel contrived indignation over manufactured injustice. At its core is a xenophobic coil with tirade enhanced rage injection. When set to turbo-blame, it allows conservatives to ignore logic and consistency in simultaneously denouncing Obama over everything.”
In other news, struggling for relevance, Sarah Palin released this statement, “I warned everyone back in 2008 I could see from my back porch Putin was up to no good. And now he’s invaded Utah. I hope Obama finally realizes you can’t just look a Russian in the eyes and see his soul. They’re too shifty. What kind of moron would think such a thing?”
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