Movie Review: American Sniper 3 comments3

I know nothing!

I know nothing!













It’s 1942. Hitler rules half the world, and Seth Rogen is trapped in Bergen-Belsen’s commandant Josef “the butcher” Kramer’s body. What follows is pure hilarity. Can Seth avoid Eva Braun’s advances while stopping the Fuhrer from leading the Euro-zone in atrocities for the sixth straight year? Find out in American Koncentration Kamp Kommandant. From the patriots who brought you American Visigoth and American Indian Affairs Officer handing out free Malaria Blankets.

Okay, I never actually saw the movie, American Sniper. But I remember seeing an advertisement about it and I read two editorials. One was from a liberal who lamented the movie ignored that the Iraq war was bad, and so missed the “teachable moment.” The other was from a conservative who was delighted the movie pissed off liberals.

As far as I can piece together, a cold-blooded sniper, with a heart of gold, is trying to win a “world’s greatest sniper” blue ribbon. He tracks down the opposing champion sniper, Saddam Hussein, and defeats the dictator in hand-to-hand combat. And, although I’m sure Saddam tries to cheat, America finally wins the “War of Generations,” between House Bush and Saddam Hussein. Sarah “Ms. Magoo on Steroids” Palin becomes president and Karl Rove Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

After the movie, Dick Cheney himself awarded our heroic sniper the first prize blue ribbon at the tomb of the Unknown Blackwater Contractor. “Men who are willing to risk their lives for their country,” the vice president mused, “should never have their motives questioned. I am therefore proud to present you with a blank check for any actions taken against Iraqi civilians, and, on the back, a “Get Out of Abu Ghraib Free” card. Thank you. Back in the day men like you made my five deferments possible.”


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