Claiming that, “Only a good guy with a bomb can stop a liberal giving bad guys bombs,” Bibi Netanyahu signaled his willingness to blow up the President this week unless Obama calls a mulligan on his deal with Iran.
“Congress must reject this agreement,” the Israeli Yahu claimed. “That will give Obama the mandate to renegotiate a better deal and convince the world he is a reliable negotiating partner. Iran’s hardliners want a better deal for America and will jump at the chance to let their President Rouhani and the moderates capitulate.”
“How can we trust Iran?” Dick Cheney asked. “Did Neville Chamberlain trust the Russians during the Cuban missile crisis? Did Jimmy Carter trust the Indians during the Civil War? Or Truman, the Egyptians at Camp David? Reagan showed us you can’t make peace with your enemies.”
“The inspection regime is a joke,” Mike Huckabee insisted. “The egg head nuclear physicists who say these inspections are the strictest ever are the same science types who claim the earth is older than the first human settlements. Can you believe such arrogance? We never caught the Soviets cheating. Just because they didn’t, doesn’t mean that Iran can’t use the same trick. If we let Obama fall for it. And even the Soviets would’ve cheated if Dick Nixon wasn’t so manly.”
Ted Cruz created his own word salad, smothered with Russian dressing: “Vlad Putin will help out, like he always does. The Chinese and Europeans also. Let’s support our allies by rejecting the agreement we all negotiated. That will surely strengthen those in Iran who want a deal, by showing them the fruits of compromise. Iran is a rational regime that fears our sanctions so much; they will yield to our demands. Demands we must make because, even if it means obliteration, Iran is so irrational, they will use the bomb. Mutually assured destruction is no deterrence to the mullahs who will surrender to our rhetoric if we show some spine.”
Donald Trump, author of “The Art of The Deal,” concurred, “I’ve made deals that took two years to negotiate, only to have my backers reject them. That’s the way to engender trust that you can be taken at you word. But, no worries. I can negotiate a terrific 5 point plan that’s so YOOGE, believe me, it’ll make your head spin so fast you won’t believe it. In fact, you won’t believe it so much, you’ll get bored not believing it.”
- Reject the deal the rest of the world has agreed to.
- Come up with a list of demands that includes every talking point Fox and Friends can think of.
- Present the demands as an ultimatum.
- Sanction any country that wont go along. That’s a sure fire way to get the world to unite in sacrificing their own economic self interests to stand with Netanyahu and the GOP in stopping anything Obama tries to accomplish.
- Get Iran to agree to all our terms the same way they agreed to stop building centrifuges after Bush insisted. QED.
Lindsey Graham, hoping that someone would notice him commented, “That traitor Colin Powel said he was surprised Iran agreed to so many tight restrictions. Doesn’t he realize it’s all a trick to get us to lower our guard? They plan to lull us into complacency by not violating their restrictions, all the while planning to restart their nuclear program as soon as the 15 years are up. What do we do then, impose sanctions? Sanctions never work. In 15 years we’ll be right back were we started from, so why not attack now?”
Bibi gun Netanyahu summed it up, “Sanctions will never get Iran to agree to give up their nuclear weapons so we must keep up the sanctions until they do. Reagan would’ve stood up to the Ayatollah the way he stood up to Iran after they bombed the marine barracks in Lebanon. Remember Iran/Contra? He got the hostages released and made Iran pay cash for the missiles he sold them. Obama would’ve given them away.”
Asked for a final comment, Chris Christie replied, “Sit down and shut up!”
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