Mazel Tov, and hold on to your yarmulkes, the P5+1 are proud to announce the wedding of President Barack Obama and Ayatollah Ali Khamenei as part of the Iranian nuclear deal negotiated last week. The United States will also give up the rights to switch-hitting utility infielder Rand Paul and three draft choices for a mullah to be named later.
Controversy over the marriage erupted when Indiana Governor Mike Pence refused to cater the reception. The Governor’s official response, “I reserve the sacred religious right to decline service to anyone I damn well please and if you don’t like it, move your business to where girly-men dress in pastel colors.”
When Wal-Mart informed the Governor they were moving, Pence bravely replied, “Everyone has the right to receive service regardless of sexual orientation and I resent the implication that I’d support legislation that discriminates.”
When asked if he’d codify that into law, Pence replied, “I don’t believe in creating special rights for people who aren’t Christian Fundamentalists, but let me clear that with Wal-Mart.”
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