The GOP, or God’s Offal Party, experienced a miracle Tuesday night when the archangel Reagan descended from heaven to give them control of the US senate. The victory was fueled by heavy turnout in the most conservative parts of the country, South Bavaria and Western Sudetenland.
“We won on our positions,” Rush Limbaugh told his cheering audience, “The economy is bad and Obama’s fault.”
Sara Palin was also ecstatic, “When I saw my pal Ron’s heavenly visage, I knew we had turned the tide. Now, our scorched earth campaign can really get started on our most pressing problems. Immigration reform? Stop Obama. Carbon regulation? Stop Obama. Iran? Bomb them, and then blame Obama for the fallout. ISIS? Send in ground troops until one is killed, then blame Obama.”
“We told the American people,” A smiling Mitch McConnell said at his victory speech, “That ISIS would attack through Mexico with Ebola infected immigrants unless we repeal Obamacare root and branch. But you can keep the good stuff. Now we will use this mandate for maximum confrontation, and employ our common sense solutions to make sure nothing gets done.”
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