Il Duce has made it official and will seek to succeed Ronald Reagan as the official Republican Pontiff. “I think young people are ready to re-embrace fascism,” Hitler’s plucky sidekick told this reporter. “Doesn’t every modern debate end with one person calling the other a Fascist or Nazi? I’m hoping they’re correct, and backing it up with familiar conservative policy:”
- 1. Put Reagan’s steely visage on the $20 bill.
- 2. Carve Reagan’s manly face over Roosevelt’s on Mount Rushmore.
- 3. Cover the Statue of Liberty with Reagan’s welcoming image.
- 4. Substitute Reagan’s heavenly face for Christ on the congressional cross.
- 5. Crown the Times Square Christmas tree with Reagan’s majestic head.
“Some have accused me of leader worship,” Muscle linguine added. “But I say when you get a great leader, even after he’s dead, you follow his reputation blindly, regardless of casualties. We Republicans call it, “Mission accomplished.”
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