South Wins Republican Civil War – Boehner Surrenders to Limbaugh at Appomattox

North vs. Mouth

North vs. Mouth

“How dare the Speaker try to scapegoat himself?” Rush Limbaugh asked as he rejected John Boehner’s surrender today. “When our true enemy is that antichrist in the White House. Ever since those northern aggressors banned Dixie’s negro workfair program, so called “slavery,” people like Obama have had too much free time to agitate. Those coloreds act with such a sense of entitlement. They think the labor of their ancestors created an inheritance that lets them avoid real work. Who do they think they are, the Job Creators?”

Donald Trump agreed, “It’s not just The Blacks. Everyone who is browner than my hair should be sent back. My friend God promised America to white people at Mt. Sinai. All the minorities want is Free Stuff.” They come over here to mooch off us by stealing all our menial labor. Just ask JEB! He wed an Anchor Bride when he should have married someone like me. No one gave me anything; I earned it through the sheer force of my dad’s will.

“Rich people are rich because God wants them that way,” Mike Huckabee added. “Everyone gets what they deserve. Why can’t people born into poverty understand that?”

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