Star Date: Before you know it.
Reporting from the Starship Boobyprise.
Obergruppenfuhrer Trump in command.
The United Confederation of Planets is sending us to the Romulan Neutral Zone to stop those murders and rapists from swarming across the border.
“But, I thought I was getting tail,” a frustrated Trump complained to this reporter. “And now I find out that this is the episode where Bones Sanders gets boned. Can that Christ killer even use his shriveled up shlong? Mine is yooge.”
When reminded that this was a mercy mission, Herr Trump replied, “I hope that doesn’t mean I can’t use my Demagogic 3000. It’s a liberal scapegoating device that allows me to channel contrived indignation over manufactured injustice. At its core is a xenophobic coil with tirade enhanced rage injection. When set to turbo-blame, it allows Republicans to ignore logic and consistency in simultaneously denouncing Obama over everything.”
“And don’t get me started on those Klingon Lives Matter thugs,” Trump fumed as he got started. “Don’t they know All White Lives Matter? From ginger freaks to Greek gods with hair of gold like me. What other “free stuff” do they want to take from us? First, they take our jobs to pay our taxes. Next, they ruin our schools with their rodent offspring. Before you know it, we all have to press “1” for English.”
“If those little rats want a quality education, they should check out Trump University. It’s completely free, just $30,000. In addition, you get a complimentary chip to my casino, where everyone wins. You’ll win so much, you’ll get bored from your head spinning.”