Trump Defends the Alamo

Lie Ala Mode

Lies Ala Mode

“Those Arabs are tricky,” This reporter heard the Trump cry as we headed down south to defend Texas from the ISIS hordes that threaten our birthright. “If not for their big noses, we could not tell them from the run of the mill rapists and murderers that swarm across our borders every day. They do not just want to steal our minimum wage food service jobs and pay our regressive taxes. They want our virgins, and we barely have enough to keep me in mistresses.”

“Real America,” Vinegar Ted Cruz added. “Below the Mason-Dixon line, is where I have seen hard working young men denied their disability checks because brownies took all the field jobs. Back when America was great, The Blacks picked our cotton. Now, Arabs wrap their heads in it to wage their war on Christmas. And, it is only when they start throwing bombs that you can tell they’re not Mexicans. Have you ever had an Arab taco? Filled with humus and covered in cuscus, they taste disgusting. Next thing you know, there will be a Falafel Bell on every corner.”

“Build baby build,” Sara “Twiggy” Palin cried in her valiant struggle against reality. “Hockey moms and Joe six-packs from all over will show the world how much we cherish our 12-hour shifts for sub-minimum wages. Don-don’s wall will keep foreigners like Geraldo from taking my Fox news job. Let him earn his own conservative entertainment complex paycheck instead of taking mine, with his Sharia law. We want God’s law in the country God gave us after he realized what a mistake it was to give it to Injun Joe. Injuns are only good for baseball logos and running casinos on sacred ground. Just ask the Donald. He ran a number of casinos into the sacred ground.”

“I’m a job creator,” Donald Shtup bragged. “Blessed by the all mighty through sacred luck to decide the jobs commoners should do. It is for the common good, my bottom-line. Like Solomon Brothers, I will separate the Cubans from the Mexicans and Arabs, because the Cubans can stay but the Mexicans and Arabs must go. When the Egyptians unemployed the Jews, did they steal jobs from other countries? No, they parted some H2O visas and swam to their own country. When they got to Jericho, did they blow their horns and wail over the spilled wall? No, they killed the Jerries and all their animals.”

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