Ebola zombies have ravaged the small banana republic of Texas all week long. Apparently modern, western, hygienic techniques such as washing hands after emptying Ebola patients bed pans are unknown in Texas. Since succeeding from the United States, this poor, backwards country has struggled to keep up with the modern world, and all its “new fangled contraptions,” like thermometers and flush toilets.
“We need to band together to fight this infestation, brought to us from Africa, by the Kenyan, US President, Barak Husain Obama,” El Presidente Ricardo Perry told his terrified citizens. “It’s payback for 300 years of hosting African foreign exchange workers in our accommodating plantations.”
Southern Senator Ted Cruz was, however, adamant that America must protect herself from these microscopic terrorists. “ISIS is sending carriers with cantaloupe-sized calves to spread this plague,” he foamed at the mouth. “We must tell all Texans to stay in their own country, or be shot on site!”
Rush Limbaugh agreed, “My ditto heads demand we torpedo any cruse ship with Ebola infested passengers. If Mitt Romney were president, he’d electrify the wall between Texas and our homeland.”
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